How to talk to your doctor about memory concerns
March 31 2026 | Last Updated: March 31 2026
Table of Contents
Noticing changes to memory or thinking in yourself or someone you love can bring up a lot of feelings. You might be feeling anxious, scared, or shut down.
It is normal to feel this way. Most times, these feelings are coming from the fear of the unknown — what is going on, and what to does the future hold?
This is why, although it might sound counterintuitive, finding out what is happening can actually reduce your anxiety significantly.
This article is meant as a guide for when you’re ready to take the next step towards answers, with your own healthcare provider.
It provides a practical list of the kind of information to bring with you, and the tests you can ask for to help your doctor investigate and manage your symptoms.
What Information To Bring
Your healthcare provider will ask you to tell them about your concerns. It helps to have a clear story of what’s going on, including when it started.
You can download the Memory Checkup Checklist and fill in the blanks with the following information:
When did you first notice something was different?
This is a very important piece of information. You just need a rough estimate of when it started — was it a few months, a year, a few years?
It’s also important to think back to when you first noticed changes — not when they became obvious, but when was the first sign, even if it was small?
Typically, this looks like moments of forgetfulness or other cognitive “gaps” that made you pause and wonder if something was going on.
2. What was the first thing you noticed?
This is helpful for knowing what type of memory/thinking problem might be going on. Options include changes to:
Memory — “forgetful”, which looks like repeating yourself in conversations or asking the same question over and over, frequently misplacing items around the house, forgetting events.
Language — “getting more quiet”, with trouble coming up with the word you want, understanding conversations, or difficulty reading
Thinking — “hard to reason with”, or a decline in judgement, making poor decisions, trouble figuring things out
Personality — “not themselves”, feeling anxious, depressed, losing social graces, loss of empathy, becoming paranoid
Way finding — "getting lost”, while out driving or walking in familiar places.
There are other less common changes that a specialist like a neurologist or geriatrician might ask you about, but knowing yes or no to the above will help your doctor to get started.
3. How are these changes impacting day-to-day life?
Is someone having to step in and take over tasks that you/your loved one used to be able to manage on their own?
Specifically, is someone now providing assistance with:
Banking
Medication management (such as remembering to take the pills)
Driving
Cooking
Cleaning
Grocery shopping
Bathing
Dressing
Toileting
Importantly, the assistance should be because of cognitive changes, not because someone is physically too weak or unsteady to do them on their own. If this is the case, your doctor might ask questions to tease out how much is from changes to memory/thinking vs physical changes.
4. Do you feel comfortable being left/ leaving your loved one alone?
Yes or no. If no, why not?
5. Are there other things going on, such as hallucinations or odd beliefs about neighbours, people stealing, etc?
This can be common at various stages of cognitive changes, and there are often medications that can lessen these symptoms.
Example Story
Here’s an example of what a prepared story might sound like:
We noticed changes about 2-3 years ago. They were gradual at first, but in the last year they’ve gotten a lot more obvious.
The first symptom was forgetfulness - they were asking the same question over and over and repeating themselves in conversation.
More recently they are having trouble coming up with the word they want to say.
In the last month they’ve also gotten more suspicious about our neighbour — thinking they are spying on us.
I am helping with the driving now — they got lost.
I wouldn’t want them to be alone for more than a week — I’d worry something would go wrong and they wouldn’t be able to figure out what to do.
Every person’s story is unique, but this gives you a general outline of the kind of story that your doctor might be looking for.
What to Ask Your Doctor For
Your doctor will help guide you on next steps. This list is not meant to suggest that these things have to be done — it is meant to help you start a conversation about what might help.
Remember, you can download the Memory Checkup Checklist and print it off to bring with you to your appointment.
Ask if you need:
Investigations:
A memory test called a “MOCA”
Blood work including: CBC, electrolytes, creatinine, calcium, albumin, HbA1C, TSH, and B12
CT scan or MRI of the brain — your doctor will help decide which type you need.
2. Support for daily activities — most of these require you to pay, but you can ask about:
Meal support — such as Meals on Wheels or Heart to Home
House keeping — a social worker might have a list of low-cost options
Transportation - taxi-scripts for reduced rates, Transhelp, or DARTS (in Canada).
3. Home care supports — if you or your loved one are needing help with bathing or dressing, you might be eligible for government funded personal support workers (PSW).
Ask for a referral to “home care” for an assessment. In Ontario, this is called “Ontario Health at Home”, or OHAH.
You can also ask for a referral to physiotherapy and/or occupational therapy if there have have been more than 2 falls in the last 6 months.
4.Management of risk factors — identify lifestyle risk factors (i.e. “causes”) that may be contributing, and optimize or eliminate what you can.
Use the Lifestyle Quiz to identify your risks and read the associated articles on what to do next with your healthcare provider — you will likely need to book a separate followup appointment(s) to discuss these issues.
This could include asking for a sleep study (for sleep apnea), a hearing test (from an audiologist), management of your diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.
5.Medications — depending on the diagnosis, there may be medications that can help. If your healthcare provider is unfamiliar, ask for a referral to a geriatrician. Medications you might hear about include:
Donepezil, Memantine, Lecanumab (for treatment of dementia)
Quetiapine, Risperidone, Olanzapine (for treatment of hallucinations or delusions)
Citalopram (for treatment of anxiety or moderate agitation)
Melatonin, Trazodone (for treatment of insomnia)
Note: If you have noticed changes over just a few weeks, ask your doctor if you need blood work for “delirium”. If you’ve noticed changes over just a few months and someone has gone from totally independent to needing help with their daily activities, consider going to the hospital (ER) for a faster work up.
In Summary…
Download the Memory Checkup Checklist and combine it with reading of this article to prepare for your visit with your healthcare provider.
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